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“My brother raped me... I was unable to love.”

28 October 2021, Mama
“My brother raped me... I was unable to love.”

He humiliated me and I was convinced that I liked it and that I was that a streak a slut. I did not have the courage to tell to my mother. For 2 years he stayed with me I was scared to death

“I am 25 years old and I was sexually assaulted by my brother, who is 8 years older than me, from the age of 7, I believe, until the age of 15. In addition my other brother did the same thing to me and my cousin too. In my house there was total chaos. My father died when I was 6 and a half years old ... I don't even know how it started. I was convinced that I was the source of all this that I was the one looking for it. My big brother told me that it was normal and I had to do it so normally I offered my services to others. He humiliated me and I was convinced that I liked it and that I was that a streak a slut. I did not have the courage to tell to my mother. For 2 years he stayed with me I was scared to death

Then I met boys but I was unable to love. I thought they only wanted sex. So I was doing it because I thought I had do, but not for love. It got worse until I made 2 suicide attempts. Today I am far from being cured of these evils because I hide the truth, I suffer so much… I am unable to love in a normal way. I give everything I have in a relationship I am completely subject to the other’s desire… I have sex with them as a way to be loved finally… But after that I feel even dirtier and I don't know why but I feel the need to get dirty again and again... Today I often think of death and that obsesses me and I lacerate my arms as a punishment… I feel more and more alone and I continue to play the comedy to those around me (who are aware) by telling them that everything is fine ... Finally I try to tell myself that it will be better… I really need your advice.”
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